does anyone alse get paranoid that they are bad person/psychopath/sociopath etc. i assume the best thing to do when i cant stop thinking about it and cant sleep is to book an appointment with a specialist, wich i did, but the session is next week and i just must get it out of my chest, i did some selfish things in the past, the once im ashamed od the most are: ghosting my childhood friend after they said they had a crush on me (we were the same gender) couse i was scared that im also feeling something for them, i dont realy experience any sexual atraction to anyone but i loved them in some way and that makes it even worse i just started talking to them less and less till they stopped to try get in touch; also a few times during my education i didnt do much in group projects even if i always felt bad about i couldnt change till i was grown up i was always just disappearing when i felt depressed and later i wasnt even apologising to others who had to finish my part and it happend like 10 times in my life, so I had a lot of chances to change my ways; one time i was also talking to a person, who i liked romantically, for like a whole week after finding out that they are already dating somone, and it took me a wholeass week to realise that there is something wrong with that and i was gaslighting myslef that i like them as a friend so i can keep talking to them even tho i had a crush, i also constantly think about myself in a bad way i spent sooo much time just thinkg what a failure and a misereble person i and now i think that it is also narcissting to just think about it and not change anything im not writing it so somone can say nooo its not that bad becouse it is ive done so much harm to those people and there is no way to reverse time and make difrent choices, i will probably never have a chance to apologise to that childhood friend, and i also dont even know the name of the person my crush was dating so the same i have no chance of finding them to apologise it all happend during my teenage years and im trying to be a better person every day but im scared im not genuinely helping others but im doing it to somehow redeem myslef inside my head and it makes me feel even worse, like im faking being kind, im so scared of enyone thinkng of me as a good person just becouse they have meet me in a last few years and have no idea of my past, im not sure if i should continue to try keep living even now when im writing it i feel so dumb and like i was fishing for sympathy but at least noboady will know that i wrote it