I feel like such a fraud, like I’m making all my problems up just cause I’m week, I cannot catch up with my studies, I failed last year at one of the program I was attempting just because I was scared of going inside the lecture class sometimes and instead of that I was hiding in a freaking toilet like a coward avoidant loser I em and didn’t have enough attendance. I’ve spent all my savings so they don’t drop me out and this semester I failed some of the courses once again because of the same reason, I’m so done with myself I don’t even have job right now because I cannot balance it with university and I feel so dumb, like I’ve lost all my brain abilities and I’m incapable of formulating a normal sentence even, I don’t know how to learn anymore even tho I’m studying stuff wich were my hiperintrest since I was a child. Also I’m leaching on my parents, I had a job and was somehow independent when I was literally 15 and now I’m 21 and I feel like I’m regressing mentally and basically in every way possible, I avoid conflict and confrontation to the degree that I almost don’t speak to any of my friends house I’m scared of hurting somebody, I’m no use in home, one of my realatives is lethally ill and even tho I would have more free time if I was able to manage my time better I’m no use of helping them. I have some kind of crisis and I’m making it worst every day, last few days I was just watching some dumb stuff in the internet which is idiotic cause when I was younger I wasn’t even using social media and was kinda against it and like I’m always making the worst decision ever and I dint know what to do I feel like I’ve lost all personality and don’t know who I em anymore I used to be creative make my own clothes and draw fanart and stuff and now I feel nothing like I was always tricking people into thinking that I’m if some use, I’m so scared that I tricked and manipulated my friends into liking me and also I feel like I don’t deserve being at my Uni course I’m so unintelligent I just want to go into coma or something but then I would be even more trouble for my family I don’t even know what em I saying I need to be sedated, last week I went to a psychiatrist course I’m paranoid that I’m cover narcissist or something like that and they told me that I’m probably autistic and like I have autistic friends and they have real struggles sensory wise etc and I’m just being pathetic and I feel like I’ve tricked that psychiatrist to couse I didn’t warn him that I suspect I might be covert narcissist and I feel like I just shouldn’t exist there is no point but dying is not an option either couse my siblings and parents need me I don’t know how to put myself together so that I will be useful for them in some way not a bourden